


sparkle's theory

by afterah



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, and a mess, but she gets it in the end, kara danvers isnt so comprehensive here, lena is a flirt, maggie loves lena like a sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 07:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterah/pseuds/afterah
Summary: For a fraction of a second, It was meant to be. More than written in the stars, more than predestined. It was like you were the living proof that things were done with purpose and a bond even before something created God.But as fast as your heartbeat, she collected the clothes scattered on the floor and left without even looking back. She didn't make any noise, much less brought a car.And you wondered while watching her image vanish as it turns at corner, with so much sadness on your chest you felt like dying, if one day you could catch a storm inside yourself.OR the one where Lena feels too much but cannot really accept it and Kara doesn't have patience





	sparkle's theory

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [sparkle's theory](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/349239) by myself. 



> hy guys it's the first time im posting something in english so i'm so sorry if there are any mistakes.  
> please, let me know where they are so I can change, learn and improve the language.  
> hope youll enjoy this anyway.
> 
> happy new year.
> 
> i listened to ocean eyes - Billie Eilish while writing it.

**PART I**

_can't stop staring at those oceans eyes_

 

She told you to think about anything while kissing your watermelon-colored lips. She rubbed her hip hard against yours, an explicit act of desperation to get to the end.

(Or maybe like she was angry.

You did think so.)

The way she frowned and groaned _loudly_ , thrusting tracing a pattern of red lines on your skin.

Red like blood.

And that was what you felt when she bit your lips with so much strength that you thought it could be used to launch a ship into space. You knew I'd leave marks for weeks. And everyone would look at and thought you had someone.

She knew you had. You did too.

Vivid fire burning in your veins, wandering through your body in the speed of light. You could see through galaxies even after you opened your eyes and felt your body relax with hers. And for a fraction of a second, it was meant to be. More than written in the stars, more than predestined. It was like you were the living proof that things were done with purpose and a bond even before something created God.

But as fast as your heartbeat, she collected the clothes scattered on the floor and left without even looking back. She did not make any noise, much less brought a car.

And you wondered while watching her image vanish as it turns at corner, with so much sadness on your chest you felt like dying, if one day you could catch a storm inside yourself.

-/-/-

You met her two years before. She was about fifteen, and she already had foggy eyes as the cigarettes you once saw Alex smoking. She kept her arms open and balanced herself on the curb, her dark hair dancing with the wind and a white dress that seemed about to slip from her body.

"You will fall if you keep bowing like this." Words came out of your mouth so fast that when you realized she was already looking at you.  
You weren't the brave type. You didn't talk to strangers, didn't start a conversation with them if wasn't _extremely_ important.  
She stared at you for a while, frozed. Then she smiled. And you swore everything else disappeared.

"Glad you're here for me to stop then."

You looked at your phone when the stranger started to walk again - now with almost a circus posture - checking if you had time to spend with her or whether to run home before your mother missed you.

"If you keep looking down you won't see what the sky has to show, supergirl."

"I was checking what time it is." You answered, approaching her. "Supergirl?"

"Yeah, a nickname for a superhero." She smiled soft at you. "You know, everything our eyes see is beautiful and we don't even care. There's no better time than the one you don't see, that passes by and you only realize that it happened when it is getting dark." She jumped of the curb fell down beside you. Your eyes widened when you saw that the girl was even more beautiful close like this, and felt strangely apprehensive by the way she looked at you.

"Lena."

"What?"

"My name." She explained, smiling slightly. "Or do you think I don't have one?"

"I was not thinking-"

"Everyone thinks."

"What a poet, Lena."

She smiled. "The most beautiful of compliments." You straightened your glasses, shyly. "Do you have time to spend or you need to help other people from stumbling on the floor?"

"Hmm ... I think I can stay a little longer."

"Let's go then, supergirl. The mission's to cross all way to the parking lot without hesitating once and-"

"It's Kara."'

She seemed to have been caught off guard, but then she smiled. "Now, come on, Kara. I have to go home as soon as the sunset." Her expression changes to something strange in a fraction of a second that if you weren't paying so much attention to her you would miss it. "Not before I complete the challenge, of course."

You watched the sunset together for the first time that day while talking about everything and nothing at all.  
Well, actually, you didn't shut up. That was your problem, you know. Gestured too much, moved too much, jumped too much. She did asked you how _'such a tiny person could get energy that seemed inexhaustible.'_ But you coud only reply with a shrug and asked her to continue the history she's telling.

You liked the way she saw the world.

And when Lena left you in front of your house, promising that she would visit you as soon as possible, you struggle to not beg her to come next day.

After all, Lena was still a stranger. Even if you felt in the back of your mind that you would become more than that in a short time.

-/--/-

It took Lena two weeks to appear.

Her lips were cracked and her tongue wandered between the bruises to contain the blood coming out of the wounds.

"It's lack of cocoa butter, you know." She said, seeing your gaze stuck there. "Summer sucks."

You held a relieved sigh as she thought you were staring only for it.

And then you hang out every single day for a week. You even started waking up soon to spent all hours possible in her company.

(Your sister even smirked at you once and said. "Did you get a summer love, Kara?"

You felt your cheeks burn. "What?! No-, no she's uh, she's only a friend."

"Like me and Maggie?"

"No, gosh, you two are _gross_.")

Lena brought you into some coffee shop and asked for cappuccinos, sitting on the table on the end of the place.

"I hate being watched." She said, explaining why she had chosen there, and your gaze quickly left the girl's face. You did not understand very well, but you knew something made you want to analyze all her traits. Her crooked nose, her smile, her dark eyes, her skin, her long lashes, her eyebrows, girl-woman face. You wanted to record everything from every angle so that when you came home you could draw her right in the notebook that your mother had given on your birthday.

You wondered what color you would have to put together to tone her skin. Or how you would draw the shining neckless Lena seemed to always carry along. She told you the other day it was her mother who gave to her.

You felt your cheecks burns if one day they would be friends enough to be introduced.

And you wondered why you wanted it so bad.

"How are you" You asked embarrassed when you realized she was watching you.

"Hm ..." Lena ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm creating some theories."

"Newton type?"

She shook her head, smiling and finally tooking her eyes off you. "That's why I didn't show up before. I wanted improve it before I saw you again."

"Why?"

"Because then I wouldn't pay attention to you, I would only be lost in my own thoughts as a result of trying to develop it and ..."

Lena inclined her head.

"You're quiet today, Kara. Like three words in the same sentence, have you noticed?"

You shrugged. "I like to hear you talk."

"Ha, there were five this time! We have a breakthrough." Lena laughed with her tongue between her teeth.

You tried to ignore how fast your heart beat against your chest, as if you played the hardest drum solo. Or the huge desire to say that you didn't open your mouth just because you wanted her to talk, to know her better, to learn about her.

But... What if like maybe she also wanted to know a little more about you? Your dreams, your desires?

Nah, never. No one really noticed, was interested.

You straightened your glasses, trying to avoid how anxious you've become.

"What is the theory?"

Lena took a sip. "Can glass-people become stronger again?"

"Wow."

"Yes."

"Poetic."

"My last name."

"Which is?" You frowned your eyebrowns. "I've never asked you this I don't know why."

"What?"

"Your last name."

She smiled in a strange way, not meeting your eyes. "Luthor."

"Oh."

Luthor. You remembered the scandal that was the prison of Lex Luthor, owner of one of the biggest companies of National City. Misappropriation, smuggling, murder. You knew that he had a sister but never thought that-

"I was adopted by the Luthor's when I was four years old, not that it makes any difference." Lena looked firmly, but you could see a certain fear in her eyes. "I'm not my brother."

"I know."

"You don't."

"But I feel." You answered, hoping that she could see the truth in your words.

"And I believe in you."

She looked disoriented for a while. Then shrugged and said. "And what is yours?"

"Oh, it's Danvers. I was adopted too, actually. Was three years ago. Like, my parents died in a accident and- uh Jeremiah was a close friend to them and- well, they really treated me like family since the first day." You felt so many emotions while telling this, but it was good. You've always felt proud of your two families, even missing one every single day. "It was crazy you know, I felt like I was from another planet but Alex, helped me to fit in."

"Alex?"

"Adopted sister. We've become pretty close."

"That's great." Lena smiled softly. "I wish I could had it."

You bit your lip. "Oh, I'm sorry, I lost myself in words a lot and, fuck-"

Lena giggle this time, crossing the table to interwine your fingers. "It's fine, Kara. Not your fault. My family's, yes. But it's okay." She let go of the grip and leaned on the seat.

"You know, I moved to another city when everything happened and lost all my friends. Now, I moved in again and lost all my friends. Maybe you could-"

"Oh!" You shouted, almost choking. "Yes, Lena. Gosh! I'm gonna introduce you to all my friends like, good friends who will, like, know that you're a good person and-"

"Kara, breath." Lena smiled tenderly, interwining your fingers again. "I'll thank you a lot for that, yes, but I intend to be really close to _you_."

Oh.

Lena laughed. "You're cute."

"Am-"

"Still, I could really enjoy new friends."

-/-/-

Weeks passed quickly, and you began to believe that it would be impossible to live without Lena.

You missed her when you woke up a little earlier and saw the first rays of the day come in through the window, opening it to let the air hit your face. (Lena taught you that one of her theories were about sparkles and how we're all one. Like energy.) So, every morning you would let the positive sparks come in and the negative come out, just as she had taught.

You missed her when you had breakfast and between classes, wondering why the girl had classes at home instead of sharing highschool with you. You wanted more than anything to be able to walk in the halls next to each other, stare at her with the corner of your eye during boring classes, make your friends like her.

Which was actually difficult, since Alex was not thrilled.

"She's a Luthor."

"Wow, and we're Danvers."

"That's different."

"Alex, c'mon. You were the one who taught me we shouldn't judge people before even knowing them." You look at her with puppy sad eyes. "Please, she needs friends and people who actually believe that she's not an evil person."

"Yeah babe, listen to Kara." Maggie, Alex's girlfriend (since ever), got it the conversation to support you. "Give a chance to the girl."

"Her brother is in prison."

"Exactly. _He_ is, not _her_." Maggie smirked. "Besides, if the little Luthor messes up we can kick her ass."

(Winn, Lucy and James, your best friends, were actually excited.

"You'll like her." You said, when you were having lunch and arguing about Lena and your friendship and _'Why on Earth Kara I've never met her?'_. "I swear."

"I do ." Winn replied happily, and with a smirk he add. "But only if you don't forget that you have other friends too."

You felt your stomach bubble when you had to force yourself not to mention that maybe it was more than that.

It could be more than that, couldn't it?)

-/-/-

Lena met you every day of the week between school, lessons Lena took, and your job deliverying pizza on weekends.

You soon discovered that this was Lena's favorite food, so you decided to buy one every friday, meeting her on the same street you saw each other the first time.

She was always there, balancing herself with her arms outstretched.

And every time she fell, Lena was not afraid. She closed her eyes and relaxed her body, smiling slightly at the softness of your arms preventing her from getting hurt.

"You'll always be here, Kara?" She said, looking into your eyes with some desperation, looking for a flaw.

Her eyes glittered when she found none.

"Of course."

-/-/-

She was incredibly beautiful in her black jeans and her red polo. You seriously thought you would die of nervousness for your friends to hang out together for the first time, but you came to the conclusion that you would explode before just by looking at her.

"Hey Lena." You said, hugging the girl, who immediately wrapped her arms over your shoulder and nose into your neck.

You wanted to stay there. With her. As long as it took for Lena to realize the desperate feeling that grew over and over inside you. But she quickly stepped away, her face unreadable, her eyes on the floor. You wanted to ask what happened, but you soon saw Alex, Maggie and Winn approaching you two.

"Ah, these are my sister Alex, her girlfriend Maggie and Winn, my buddy." You explained, pointing to them. "James and Lucy are coming and uh, that's us all." Then you saw how awkwardly everyone stand there. "Guys, this is Lena."

"Hello Lena." Winn smiled softly at the girl, going to greet Lena. "It's nice to meet you, Kara talks a lot about you."

"Only good things, I hope." Lena laughed, pulling him into a hug. "Kara talks a lot about you guys too. It's adorable."

You felt an absurd urge to release the butterflies in your stomach when you saw Lena staring at you with that look.

"Then you should really relax because Kara mumble so much about you that it's like we already know you." Maggie said, sending a warner look at her girlfriend when she saw that Alex hadn't move a inch. "I hope you'll like us too, tho."

Lena smiled shyly.

-/-/-

The relief was great when in the middle of the night you noticed they looked like friends for years. They laughed, mocked one another, debated series and shouted too much.

You thanked mentally that your parents had trusted you (actually Alex), to take care of the house while they were gone. Work or something.

You all argued about what movie they should watch, all in pajamas and ready to crash in. Alex and Maggie took one sofa bed, James and Lucy the other one, while you, Lena and Winn put mattresses on the floor.

You felt lightly alone as both couples snuggled into each other while watching a fucking romantic-comedy movie. You haven't even kiss yet, for Christ's sake.

"Kara," your eyes fixed on the girl on your side. Even in the dark, you could see Lena almost perfectly. "Are you alone there?"

"A little." You whispered back, shrugging.

"Cuddle with me."

What. "What?"

"Is that a problem?" Lena looked concerned, bitting her lip sadly. "I'm sorry, forget-'"

You shook your head in denial. "No, I'd love to."

Fuck.

You were about to explode, that's for sure. Lena was too close, more than ever. And even made it worse, putting her head on your shoulder and hugging around your waist. _Okay Kara, relax. This is friendly. This something friends do. Platonic. Actions. Relax. Everything is completly fine._

Until, in the kissing scene, Lena whispered.

"They're passing sparkles to each other."

We are. "With the kiss?"

"Yes."

Ok. "Have you already passed?"

"No." She answered, honestly. "Not in the way they're doing, you know. The characters. With passion. With need."

You felt your heart beating fast. "I've never. Like, never- anything."

She looked startled by your confession."How could no one ever wanted to kiss you?"

"Why would them?"

Lena was silent for a while. You could feel her quickening pulse, especially when she searched for your hand to interlace your fingers.

"Sometimes I think we have the right sparks for each other, Kara." She whispered so low you almost thought you created in your mind.

That kept you up all night, even feeling so protect.

Like you found another home.

**PART II**

_no fair  
you really know how to make me cry_

 

"I guess yours friend have become my friends too." Lena stated, staring at you with the corner of her eye. You two spent hours in your garden hanging out.

"They worshiped you." You responded, reassuring her. "Now there's no way back, Luthor."

She smiled strangely. Then, her expression changed."Well, unless Alex says so."

"She likes you. She's just... Protective."

Lena bit her lip. "Because I'm a Luthor."

_No, because I think she can see that I'm falling for you._

"I don't care what her reasons are. My friends are _your_ friends now. Winn talks to you more than he talks to _me_. Maggie treats you like she's your big sister. You're family."

Lena snapped a tongue in the roof of her mouth. "Thank you."

You heart pounded against your chest, and the blue M&M's on your hand seemed far more interesting than the girl at your side. You heard Lena laughing, and then you put your head on her lap and her eyes, bright as clouds, stared at you in silence.

It was in these kinds of moments that you burned.

Yes, obviously because of the proximity, but mainly because of genuineness. Lena looked so calm and relaxed, like she really trusted you. You fingers climb up her skin to meet hers as she played with you blond hair, it was getting so hard to hold on how you felt-

"Kara!"

You jumped so fast away from Lena that you could swear that you had super powers.

"Hello, Lena." Alex came up with arms crossed, her expression apprehensive as always, but she smiled slightly at her.

_Ow, we see a breakthrough out there._

"Hello." Lena smiled back and looked away at her cellphone when she heard it whistle. "Well, you arrive on time to not let little Danvers alone." She raised herself from the ground and cleaned the grass that sticked in her jeans, and stretched a hand to pick you up. "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Just as fast as you see yourself failing at subjects that need numbers, as fast as you saw your older sister fall in love and your parents accepting her (and maybe yours?) sexuality, Lena's lips touched your cheek and moved away with a smirk.

"I'll text you."

"Oh, uh, alright." You replied, feeling your body metamorphosing and turning into a big giant chili.

Alex watched with raised eyebrows.

"Is Lena-"

"I don't know." You cut her, straightening your glasses on your face. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Alex stood up as hands in redemption, and you walked in silence to the. But before you entered, she took hold of your hands and said.

"You don't need to understand how things are so fast, Kara. And sometimes it isnt' good that you understand." She smiled fondly. "But be careful, okay? And I don't say that because she has that family, you know. I actually like her."

"I know. She's ... incredible."

Alex smiles at you so softly that you feel like opening your heart and letting all the feelings go. In the and of the day, she's your sister. The person you trust most.

You embraced her and then whispered the words you've been keeping to yourself. "I feel like... God, I'm falling, Alex. I didn't even kiss yet, how I could be-"

Your sister smiled and stroked her cheeks. "Kissing is an action, Kara. Feelings are what drives them. Me and Maggie took time to understand and deal with it. And now look where we are."

"Grossly in love."

Alex laughed. "That's right."

-/-/-

"Are you a planet or a sun?"

"Hm?"

Lena lifted her body to her elbowlooks and looked at you. She was acting a bit strange in the last days, but you didn't know how to ask. It wasn't so extreme that people would notice. Maybe even Lena didn't have. You just did because you observed her a lot. All the time."Do you feel like you're a planet or a sun?"

You comteplated for a while.

"I dont know... A planet? I've always wished I was Jupiter with rings that formed a ballet's skirt... It's is amazing the idea of being bigger than others, you know? Like someone who inspires everyone."

"But you inspire people."

"Oh, _yeah_." You laughed incredulously. "No I don't. I'm the annoying kid on the class who likes to debate with teachers and get good grades. I'm really surprise I'm not a victim of bullying."

"You ain't because you have friends and they would never someone do this kind of thing to you." Lena moved herself so she could be on top of you. "And you do inspire classmates, you just don't realize that. You're so intelligent and it's not forced. People want to be you."

"People want to be popular. And pretty."

"Youre both."

That's it. That's the problem of being friends with Lena.

She did that, all the time. She penatrated your skin with words. You felt like your breath was going away. You realized how close your face is to Lena's, and separated each other, so you could breath.

"You don't even study with me. You have no idea how highschool really works, my _friend._ " Lena stared at you a little confused for some seconds, like she was trying to process why you weren't at the same position as before, so you continued. "And you? How about the planets?"

"I feel like Pluto. I was a planet at some point, but I'm not anymore. Just surviving somewhere I'm not welcome, forever and ever. Or just while I don't explode and destroy everything."

"For Christ's sake, Lena."

"Well, you wanted my opinion."

"I didn't think it would be so _melodramatic._ " Lena got a small smile on her face by that. "Well, I think you're more like sun. And it explodes everyday."

She stares at you strangely.

"What?" You said.

"You always assume the best of me. Its cute."

You stopped breathing.

"And sun is a star." She continued. "Different story."

-/-/-

 

Some mouths passed. Lena told everybody why she called you Supergirl, so Winn changeed the name of your chat group to **_sUpeRFRiENDs!_**

You felt super. Everytime she looked at you. Everytime she smiled at you. Everytime the touched at you and flirted and _God_ how she flirted.

So, you decided you would act on it. Was time, wasn't it? You've known each other for almost a year know. Wasn't a secret your feelings for her. Wasn't a secret her feelings for you.

But then, something happened. You didn't know how. You didn't know why. But one day Lena kissed the corner of your mouth, on the same curb you met, walked you to your house joking _'What a gentlewoman I am.'_ , and on the next morning you woke up to one single text.

 **Leeeena**  
_going away for a while_  
_have a thing with my mother_

 **Kara D**  
_everything ok? where are u going?_

 **Leeeena**  
_family thing._

 **Kara D**  
_when do you come back?_  
_Lena?_

 

_-/-/-_

The thing about secrets is that everyone has them.

Fear too.

You learn that on the hard way.

-/-/-

Lena came back stranger than ever. Distant.

Wasn't like she was as open as you. She was more like Alex or Maggie, just expressing herself or telling old intense stories when she felt to.

But the way she were after that weeks she just vanish? Weird. As if she had a sharp point at the end of the column.

You too were at your house. She spend almost five minutes arguing with you that there were no need for you both to go upsides, what made you feel retracted because your bedroom became Lena's too of how much time she spend there.

When you picked some movie, Lena decided to sit on the exactly opposite side of couch that you were.

You two didn't open your mouths until the credits were rolling.

"How would it be if you burned inside-out?" It's her that spoke first. Her voice scratched, as if she hadn't spoken for hours. "Your organs becoming fire and you can do nothing about it?"

"Gosh, I think we watched too much Harry Potter." You tried to laugh, but frowed your eyebrown because of the serious way Lena looked. "Why are you saying this?"

"Because is how you make me feel sometimes."

Lena played with her jeans, like she wanted to drown in it and run aways from the conversation initiate by herself.

You sallowed. "And..."

"And it's like I'm a comet. Like I'm coming crashing into some planet I don't even know, but I'm so tempted to discover. And liking." She looked at you. "Do you feel like this too?

That's it.

That's the moment you felt like you can't hide anymore.

"More than that. I feel everything. I'm everything with you."

Lena blinked. She knew what it meant.

"We shoudn't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because we're girls?" You asked, short-winded. "You didn't seen to care with Alex and Maggie."

" _I_ _don't_." She answered annoyed.

"Then why?"

"Because we're _friends_ , Kara. We're friends and we shouldn't be-" She took a deep breath in. "I'm a normal person with normal feelings and you have to stop putting me in a fucking pedestal."

"What?"

"You act like I'm God or something and you're always staring at me endlessly and it's scary, you know? People are _talking_."

"Who are talking? People at school don't know you. Our friends always talked about us. We've been pretty close and- I'm not aware where we're going."

"We're not going anywhere. Don't you get it? I can see the way you look at me. Like I'm, I don't know, like I'm _special._ Worth it. That doesn't exists, Kara. Never did. The Lena you created on your mind who's always there and loves you doesn't exist."

"What do you mea-"

" _Fuck_ , Kara I'm not gay." Sheutters the word as if it were made of fire. As if it burned. Lena glanced with no feelings at you. "I'm not into girls and I'm not into you. So please, if you think you had some chance you're completly wrong."

You felt like the roof upon you came crashing, smashing you on the floor like a fucking ant. Tears started flooding your face.

You stared at her dumbstrucked. You didn't believe it.

Coward. Lena was a coward.

"Get out." You said, giving yourself a thumbs up for voice coming so strong, even with a lion inside your throat.

"Kara-"

"No. I don't know what happened during this thing you did with your mother. I don't know what she said. Because you didn't _tell_ me. But you can't come here saying all these _bullshits_ and think I'll believe."

"Kara."

" _Lena_." You clean your face. "Get out."

You two just stend there. Frozen. Minutes passed. Years passed. Moments and moments. Kids were born and people died. Someone won a prize and someone lost a bet.

Then you saw. Lena was defeated. Her eyes looked like great hurricanes, those who carried everything ahead without fear of the destruction it would cause. Her hands kept shaking, and she kept in completly silence for a little while.

"My brother sent me a letter."

"Oh."

"Yeah." She took a deep breath. "We were really close once. He used to take me to places and teach me about planets and stars. Lex it's into UFO's and that nerdy stuff, and he was nice. My parents never had time for us. They never cared, I don't even know why they adopted me." Lena cleaned a tear that fall out. "But then he changed and turned the same mean and despicable kind of person that only cares about money and-, I lost him. I got alone. Everyone stopped talking to me at school because they thought I was like him and, yeah."

She looked at floor, then to you. "My mother was angry because he contacted me and not her. And then she-" Her voice cracks. "You wouldn't understand. Your family is loving and accepting."

"Lena-"

"I _hate_ him, Kara. I hate him, and I hate my mother, and I hate my father and I hate my fucking name. I fucking hate _myself._ " Lena started to be really angry and really loud, getting up and crying and you didn't know what to do. "I hate that everyone thinks I'm a bitch and I feel so alone all the time, Kara."

"You have me." You said, praying that she could see the truth behind your words. "And my friends are your friends too, now. You have us. You're not alone and you're not them. You're Lena, and you are amazing. You deserve to be happy."

Her eyes finally focused on something, not a mist that seemed to stop her from seeing, she covered her mouth with her hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She said between sobs and tears that came down like tidal waves. "Kara, please forgive me for crying like that, please- I'm a mess, I'm sorry-"

"It's okay, Lena." You said, hugging her trembling body.

She shook her head. "It's not all right, it's not. You shouldn't have to listen to all that shit."

"That's what friends are for."

Lena stared at you. As sharp as needles piercing your orbits and you wondered why, why, why and how someone could make your stomach bubble that way.

And then she kissed you.

Lena grabbed you face and pressed her lips to yours. It was wet and strange, out of rhythm. You had no idea what you were doing but you were trying so hard to make it good. Good to her, because for you that kiss was enough for your heart to explode in color. Your stomach turned in delirium. Butterflies were flying wildly, wanting to find the way out. You were about to let them leave. You even put your hands on her neck in order to straighten and improve the kiss. Made it perfect.

But Lena pulled away so fast and almost stumbled. Her eyes widened and you could swear that you saw sparks coming out of the girl's body.

"Lena..." You tried to approach her, reaching out to touch her again. You needed to touch her again.

She took a step back.

"Sorry," without looking at you. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

And left.

  
**PART III**

 _i'm scared_  
i've never fallen from quite this high  
falling into your ocean eyes

 

You saw each other for weeks.

But, one day, she was on the stairs of your house when you arrived school. Even from a distance, you could see that Lena was shaking a little.

Alex looked at her and then at you. "Do you want me to send her away?"

 _Yes. Maybe._ "No."

"Sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm going to... Turn around and enter the house from behind. Okay? I'll make popcorn for us."

"Ok. Thanks."

You took a breath before approaching her.

"Hey." You said, occupying the empty seat next to her.

"It's like the sea."

You raised like eyebrows. "What?"

"The feelings". She explained. "It's like sea. Winn says it's like wind, but I think he's wrong."

"Develop your theory."

Lena sighed. She leaned her body forward, her eyes so far away.

"It's beautiful to see, it's unpredictable. But even if you know it well, you don't know everything. You don't really know what's down there." She turned her face to you, her eyes were stormy. "But you want so bad to put on your bathing suit and go there, even if it's dark, even if you get lost, even if you never come back, even if the air ends in the middle and you die."

"You won't get lost, Lena. You won't die."

"I know."

"Then, what are you so scare of?"

"You're going to leave me if I say it. You're going to abandon me after I've become as attached as everyone else does." Lena ran a hand over her face, preventing you from seeing her gaze. Automatically, preventing you from reading what she felt. "It's gonna take time, but you'll at some point."

Those oceans eyes stared at you.

"I already promised you I won't, Lena." You answered, a little annoyed. "I've already promised millions of times that I'd be on your side to keep you from falling. Which's pretty hard because of the wall you build to pull me away. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She threw her head back. "But-"

"I'm not going away".

"OK." You might see a mist in your eyes coming back. "I hope you don't regret it."  
-/-/-

And there you were. Two years later, staring at a jackt she left there by mistake, wishing it was a part of you heart, not a simple clothe.

You were regreting.

When you started fucking, you thought she finally would allow the sparks inside herself come out and be with you. You thought she would tell about her parents, and she just the superficial. Not the basics. You expected child memories, the traumas, the details.

After all, they'd been two damn years you'd known each other. That you liked each other.

Besides, you were friends.

Your friends _supported_ you.

Even Maggie loved Lena as her sister. You loved Lena as your lover.

You were addicted. You were addicted to the sweet smell of watermelon or strawberry she had. In the waves of her hair that your held between your fingers and pulled away just to kiss her neck. Gosh, her skin. The texture of the skin as soft as silk told you crazy. Her body, her smiles, her ocean eyes. A brilliant ocean behind such a mysterious being.

You wanted to unravel it as Sherlock uncovered the most difficult cases. Or how Robert Langdon would break a head to understand things so complex that Dawn Brown's mind created.

How can you know so much and so little at the same time?

You knew what mood Lena was when she awake, what expression she made while talking about things she liked. You knew her favorite colors and as raw materials.

But she made you distant. She would only give you little pieces of her. So you wound't get bored. So you would always come back.

 

As strong as a shock, you realized that perhaps you may be in a sick game Lena had created all those years.

\- / - / -

You knocked on her door that night. Lena lived in one of the dead end streets. You met her mother only once, and you were pretty sure Lilian hated you.

Lena never took you there again.

The ocean eyes stared at you stunned through the glass door. It was her place. The forbidden space.

"Kara?" She asked, opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

You didn't know very well, actually. You hoped that when you got there words would come as naturally as breathing. But they didn't, so you did the easiest thing that came to your mind.

Your lips collided as hard as a car hits another. Lena soon groaned against your mouth - it was automatic. You thought it was incredible that she couldn't control her body around you. Her hands went up your body, traversing a forest of hair strands and pulling you closer.

"I want you, Lena." You affirm. "I want you so much."

She nodded in agreement, kissing your neck.

"You have me."

"No, no." You looked deep into her eyes. "I want you."

Lena stopped.

And pulled you away, looking down.

You closed your eyes because you knew what were about to come.

"Go home, Kara." She said. "It's late."

"Lena-"

"No! You don't get it, do you?" She screamed, then shrugged and looked back, afraid that someone had listened. "You have to go, my mother's sleeping and-"

"No, I don't! Because you again don't explain to me."

"I did. You know why I can't. You know it's complicated."

"I can't take this shit anymore.

"What?"

You sighed, feeling the tears begin to trickle down your eyes.

"This going back and forth, having you between the walls, but I just let a crack open and you're already blown away by the wind." You stepped forward, stopping a millimeter away from the other. "You're better than that. You deserve more, I deserve more."

"So what are you doing waiting for me?" Lena snapped angrily. "Two years, Kara, two years for you to learn that this is me. This shit of confusion, it's me. Yeah, you deserve more, you deserve the world, fuck, you deserve someone to hold this galaxy in your heart. You deserve the winds, the sky, the flowers, the sea. You deserve the concrete and the abstract-" She seemed to choke with air. "You deserve someone better than I. I can _not_ give you this."

You wanted to scream that she was wrong. That it was her, it had always been her.

Your eyebrows shot up as you finally saw her.

That day, you felt as if the air of your oxygen machine was finally ending.

"If you leave me now, I won't go back."

Lena looked down.

"I'm tired. I'm not going to fight for someone who doesn't do the same."

She said nothing.

You didn't look back once.

-/-/-

"Kara?"

You woke up with Alex at the door. She looked worried.

"Yes?"

"Lena's there."

Shit. "You let her in?"

"Yes. She looks awful, I wasn't going to leave her on the street."

You took a deep breath, staring up at the ceiling.

One week since you left. You were silent atschool, your friends were worried. You just knew that Maggie and Winn tried to talk to Lena. You don't know how it went.

During those days, you learned that perhaps an implosion was worse than an explosion.

"I can say that you are sleeping. Or send her away. Or call Maggie."

"Never mind." You fired. "She's already here."

As you walked down the stairs, you wondered if you'd just agreed to see her because you were surprised. She was there. She finally was. After damn twenty-four months. She had finally run back. And as bad as she was, you couldn't control the palpitations from inside her chest as she sat there.

Lena looked sick. You stopped at the entrance of the room.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi."

Lena looked down again, tugging at the sleeve of her coat.

"You'll stay there or-"

"Can we go somewhere else?" She cut you off, softly, as if she was afraid someone else would listen.

"What if I don't want to?"

"It would be one more spark of mine going."

"You went away."

"This time it was you."

"I'm exhausted."

Lena bit her lip. "Yeah, I know."

You just gave in. You walked in an uncomfortable silence to the edge of the beach, where you met. You thought it was strange how much and so little had changed at the same time, at the same intensity. She sat on the wall, back to the street, waiting for you to accompany her. And so you did. However, far enough that you wouldn't fall.

Fall to it. Fall into her.

No longer. Not again.

"I ... I do not even know where to start."

Lena said, after a while. She was still playing with the sleeves of her coat.

"I know where you're going to end up." Your words were sour. Lena felt it.

"Look, Kara, I'll fully understand if you ever want to look in my face after that, okay? But you have to try to understand my side-"

"If you'd explain, maybe I'd understand."

"I did. You just didn't _listen._ "

"What? For using me like an old yo-yo? Going back and forth as you please?"

"My life is like this." She countered. "It's a back and forth of emotions and complications. I don't know how to deal with-" Lena sighed. "I don'tt know what it's like to live otherwise, Kara. I don't know what it's like to deal with things face to face, I just don't know."

"And I don't know you."

She frowned. "As well?"

"I don't know you, Lena."

"Of course you do."

"I don't know your story, and you told me that beings are made of stories as much as of energies, memories, tastes, so do not judge me if I say I don't understand why you always end up hiding and running."

Lena looked at you as if you had been shot. Tears appeared there, and she soon pushed them away.

"It's hard to love someone when you've never been introduced to that kind of love, isnt it?"

She took a deep breath.

"My real parents are dead. My adopt's one are not a couple, let's put it this way. They probably hate each other. Nothing to lean on. My mother- it's not easy. Living with her. It's not a disturbance or-" Her eyes glittered, heavy with tears. "Sparks from her aren't very nice. That's why I took a lifetime tointroduced you to her, afraid of what she would say, how she would react. God, you don't know the stuff she says to me. How bitter she's. How I'm not a Luthor because Luthors aren't freaks." You raised your hand to wipe away the tears that came down. She lay in your gaze. "I've come to the conclusion that it's my fault, isn't it? I was born and my parents died. I was adopted and the Luthors fall apart. Lex was great and then became a monster. He murdered people. He's going to sped the rest of his life behind bars. Lilian says it's my fault. It's my fault. So I got away from everything, and it's difficult to keep up. Even if I tried to make theories, to color the sky when it was cloudy, to buy strawberry ice cream in the cold, to make me smile, accept myself, to overcome."

Lena sighed. "I understand if you're tired, but I am too, Kara. Even after those years, having friends that accept me and support me. Even having you. I can't totally get over it, I panic when you look at me the way you are doing now." You opened your mouth to speak, but she soon cut you off. "You make my whole body turn fireworks, like butterflies turn elephants playing capoeira in my stomach, I think of you from the minute I wake up until bedtime, between classes at my fucking house and when Maggie asks me to thinkg about something that make me happy every day, and even then I keep hurting you for not being able to stay. Im sorry for being afraid of the dark and the unknown." She whispered, "I'm so afraid I'll lose you completely by joining my list of traumas."

"I love you."

Lena froze.

You were sure of that. You never said that before. But now, Lena had destroyed the wall that had created and put her heart in your hands.

"I love you." You repeated. "I love you. I love everything in you. Since the wet sparks as those that are strong enough to survive the waves. I love when you kiss me and when you just look at me. I love how you create theory for a simple piece of scribbled paper, and how you smile when I praise you. I love you and I've hurted you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being respectful. For being selfish and only caring about how I felt and how you made me think. I'm so sorry for not being the person you needed. For not helping you to grow stronger and fight against all this darkness."

Lena kissed your lips as gently as possible.

You thought how different this kiss was from the first and from all the others you have ever had. You thought of the probability that it would explode if she continued to rub her lips the way she was. You wondered if you were dreaming, or if you could actually hear the heart of the two beating in the same rhythm.

You smiled at the realization that, for the first time, Lena allowed herself to release the sparks, which became a beautiful bonfire that warmed both souls.

And as they parted, she snuggled into your arms and stared into your eyes.

You developed your first theory by yourself.

Lena wouldn't leave. And you didn't figure out how to catch the storm. In the end, you only learned how to wait for the sun to open again, unhurriedly, without anger, enjoying the clouds and feeling the sparks go through your body, shivering from head to toe the way it had to be.

After all, it was far more than predestined. It had to be. It was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on twitter: @putzgrilx


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